I love black thongs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We had to coat check the pizza.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
