just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
