mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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