he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
