and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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