Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
50% drunk capacity currently
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
