dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize