i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
