By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
