Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
