I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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