remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
