So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Boobs are out for the taking
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
