I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
