You can't motorboat a personality
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
