I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
