When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
