just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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