Screwed.edu
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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