You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
