mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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