just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
