I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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