My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
