i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
