i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
