what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
