i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize