I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize