I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
