i think my tv is drunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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