I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
