you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
