you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
