We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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