The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
