Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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