Where is the hickey?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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