Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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