Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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