I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
