I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
