Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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