I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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