Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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