I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
