things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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