How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
