suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
