No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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