is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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