You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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