Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize