I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
