she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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