I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
