Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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