Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
