That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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