OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
