FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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