Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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