She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you never un-have a 4some
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
