I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
