So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize