Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
