If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
