Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize