I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize