I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
