Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
