normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Too much gin, very little bucket
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
