At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And then he peed in my hair
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