i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
