When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
