I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
