NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
